Life in the Cube Farm

* CUBE FARM.
An office filled with cubicles.

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(piccie from http://www.geardiary.com/ )

I’m trying to stay upbeat about work … but it’s so hard when you’re moving house and feeling like you’re over your job about 12 months ago. So to amuse myself (and anyone else out there who actually reads our blog) here are some new buzzwords for the corporate (or public sector) world of work:

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

TESTICULATING: Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people’s heads pop up over the walls to see what’s going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a “home business”.

404: Someone who’s clueless. From the World Wide Web error message “404 Not Found” meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OH NO SECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you’ve just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you’ve hit ‘reply all’). And my personal favourites:

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the “adminisphere” are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded needless paperwork and processes.  Like other public sector agencies, it should come as no surprise that the Northern Territory Government has an entire department dedicated to this rarified layer of useless paper chases and processes concieved by people fully trained in the art of discussing Australian Idol and the cover of the latest New Weekly magazine (totally and utterly relevant to effective government administration … uhem … er … NOT!).

Well that amused me for about 47 seconds. I hope it amused you, too – perhaps for about 48 seconds.

More on the moving process later in the week…  

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